last night i sat on the couch

i actually don't sit down on the couch and relax very often.
it was really nice. i'm too high strung and busy...
my hands always have to be doing something, and normally it's making art or cleaning.
even on the rare occasion i do sit and relax, i have a book or magazine for commercials. i totally tune out during commercials. they irritate me. well, except for a few select good commercials, of course. those are few and far between.
i did do some creative stuff, but realized how tired i was.
so, i sat on the couch with a glass of shiraz and watched boston legal.
relaxed. totally.
HEAVEN.
such an awesome show, that BL.
james spader is a genius.
so is david e. kelly...but that's sort of a given.

OH! and other TV news...
i finally got to see the project runway finale...finally!!!!
the show was AWESOME. i love love love that show.
i reallyreallyreally wanted santino to bring it and win...
honestly, i think half the reason he didn't win is because all the judges know he's going to be a raging success no matter what - that boy's got talent. his collection was totally BLAH for him...chloe's stuff was fun and well made and she does the whole marketing thing and well...whatever. i guess she totally deserved it. the edited the show well - i thought she was going to show a whole collection of satin prom dresses. yikes! you all probably saw this a month ago. i'm happy to finally be able to KNOW the results and talk about it and eagerly anticipate the next season. but i'm sad it's over. it's like finishing a really awesome book - kinda anti-climactic and depressing when it's over.

and i do have some circle journal fun to share.
i'm in this group dubbed "scrappin divas" by sweet mara
such awesome talent and fun. we will each end up with a wicked book in the end, i'm sure.
my theme is "dreams"...open to any and all interpretation.
here are some shots of my book.
gotta get this puppy in the mail.
oh - and i better get a move on to work. sigh.

sunshine, tulips & little books

gorgeous day here today.
i love spring!
there are tulips and cherry blossoms and daffodils everywhere.

so. more to the art journal. loving this SO much.
i thought it might mean i'd get less done on other creative projects.
not so. more creative juice flowin.





**eta: is it wrong that i stole a fridge magnet from my child who never plays with them? it was on the kitchen floor, i stepped on it, swore, and then looked down and it was the number 8. on day 8. imagine that. so i stole it.


i am grateful for my amazingly talented friend kla. she inspires me incredibly, and yesterday when i checked her blog and saw her AWESOME art journal i was so inspired to give my pages a home. to make this a permanent process. i'm often afraid of the permanent. i don't label things with permanent marker...i like labels to be removeable. screw it. i want to change. i made a book. and i love it.






took some pix of my new circle journal today too.
will edit and share later.
i've fallen in love with little books.

i am not a fan of the time change

and do you think i could also blame it for making me feel car-sick on my bus ride to work today?
hmmmm.

i had such a fun and creative weekend.
i wanted it to go on forever.
i am counting the days til our 4 day weekend coming up...

alrighty then.
let's post a few art journal/challenge entries, shall we?
i must admit, while i am enjoying the creative process immensely, i'm not noticing a huge change in my behaviour....yet. however, i am definitely more conscious and aware of the problems, and i AM making a serious effort. gotta start somewhere, right?

thanks to all the wonderful players of this challenge for keepin' on, and thanks also to my fellow bloggin females who stop by to say hello. contrary to how that just sounded, i am not accepting an award of any kind.

{do}

poor jax was sick again last night. this bug is really staying with him. so i went to bed really early snuggling w/ him last night. didn't get a chance to do my day 4 entry...but i DID get a bunch of stuff ready for the mail, which i will be taking today. this is one of my goals - get to the post office more often. i'm taking it to work today and will get out during a break today. yay!

i don't want to fall too far behind on this challenge...not for the sake of keeping up with the challenge, but for the fact that i am LOVING it. keeping the creative juices flowing. being conscious and aware each and every day to push myself towards my goals. i do truly believe that pushing my self (ie: the CHALLENGE) will keep me motivated to make choices that make my life better. so i woke up early this morning and worked on day 4.

i love the message of yesterday's quote. i had been thinking of journalling something like "do it today. not tomorrow. do it today." but after i got the quote down, the following came to me...and i love the result. simple, to the point...exactly what i needed.

i hope everyone has a wonderful friday. get a kiss...get a hug...tell someone you love them. make it a good day. i know i'm going to. DO it.



ink and pens...yum yum. oh, and my new addiction is stamping. i think i've spent about a million dollars on stamps in the past couple weeks...my friends at fontwerks are mostly to blame. here, i used their new george alphas (totally obsessed with these) and also the technique tuesdays functuation (i would have bought them just for the name - love it). oh - and the 7Gypsies fabric reinforcers stickers. YUM. (thanks TOM!!!)

days {2} & {3}

dealing with my little sicko yesterday, but i had a lot of fun playing with 2 entries last night. i didn't put them off - yay!

unfortunately the scan of the front of day 3 is pretty poor...tried to accommodate for the light text part.

it is certain that there will be next to no consistency throughout this journal aesthetic-wise. i will play, have fun, and let it come completely naturally.




page 2 of day {3} entry:


in other news...

i just choked on my coffee and managed to make it to the kitchen with my mouthful and almost to the sink before spraying it pretty much everywhere. joy. i'm still coughing.

jaxon's staying home again today - complaining of a sore tummy. probably because he has only had a couple of crackers in the last 24 hours, but whatever. kids are weird :) luckily, dren happens to have the day off today unexpectedly and so i'll be able to go to work this morning and get caught up from being off yesterday.

it's pouring rain...glad i have the car today so my feet don't get wet.

i'm wearing my sweats to work today. sometimes there's nothing better than comfies for a day in front of the computer.

{21} will it work?

joined the challenge on rhonna's blog. this came at a good time for me, and i'm excited to see what the next 20 days have in store.

here is my {day 1}, based on yesterday's quote.
the black background is for viewing pleasure only ;)
i figure if i share pieces of my journal as i go, i'm more likely to stick with it...
hee hee...we shall see.
the never-ending quest to stop being such a procrastinator.

i decided to go w/ lil 6x6 pages and i'll figure out how to bind them...
...later
ha ha ha!!!



cardstock: bazzill, paper: autumn leaves, transparency is hambly. stamps: butterflies & square: are by tia for fontwerks, alphas: george by fontwerks, grid/pattern thingy: i forget (sorry! let me know if you want to know and i'll check when i'm home). chipboard numbers: heidi swapp. little alpha stickers: making memories. red tab sticker: 7Gypsies. paint: making memories. ink: colorbox (black and brown) and...? (red). fonts: another something i'll have to check if you want to know. pen: AC slickwriter. also white artist's tape.

holy crap there's a lotta stuff on that little piece of page!!!

so the weekend is over

but it was such a good one, that i will celebrate the fun rather than mourn its end.
i just pray the mojo keeps on flowin...cuz man did it flow the past few days.

scrapped like a maniac.
cleaned.
did laundry.
cooked.
slept.
time with the boys.
time with friends.
phone calls.
time with mum.
conversations with dad.
played outside.
took photos.
did co-op stuff.
printed photos.
scrapped some more.


To be honest, I was not thrilled with the papers that came in this month's kit at LM. No offense Kathy!!!! Seriously...they're just not ME. I have a hard time working with crazy amounts of bright colours as it is...and they weren't speaking to me. However, the kits that this girl puts together are just awesome. They MAKE me creative. Rather than be discouraged, I chose to take this on as a challenge - printed out some borrowed photos and photos of friends' kids and flowers. GIRLY stuff for this girly kit. I finished my first page, and while it was difficult, and took a long time, I was really happy with it. Then I just kept going. And every page that I finished, I loved. I experimented, played, and had so much fun! I mean...snaps!? Wow...way cool. Love how those ended up looking on a page. Although at first I wasn't feeling enthused, I ended up making 6 pages this weekend...and that's a LOT for me...1 a day at the most is more my speed. Awesome stuff.

I also had the pleasure of receiving some AWESOME digi stuff from the righteous tia . Check out the frames that I played with today! I printed them out on transparencies and used them on my paper layouts. SO much fun. The girl is so talented. She's got her goods on designer digitals and is churning the wicked fun out like it's goin outta style (which, by the way, it's NOT).

and just one more thing.
i love scrapbooking.
or, in the words of the fabulous ae,
i love being a life artist.

hopeful friday

today's dare is brought to you by the wonderful ranjini @ scrapologie. i've had the pleasure of knowing ranjini for my whole scrapping life - just over one year now. she has an amazing heart and beautiful personality. she is building a business on her own in an effort to be able to stay home and not return to the 9-5 work force. you go girl! thank you so much for sponsoring us this month, r. you put together a pretty awesome product :)

as for this week's dare theme...hope.
the four of us decided over a week ago to dedicate this dare to two amazing people many of us know. they suffered a great loss...two great losses, in fact, in a very short period of time. despite adversity, these two women persevere, giving and sharing and continuing on. able to see the silver lining. i especially appreciate having a friend when i was having a hard time...even when she was suffering so much.

we love you. thank you for your strength of spirit and infectious goodness.



oh and also some shopping because i promised missy i would have a photo for her in the morning...

patterened paper (lots of dots!)
heidi swapp (did i mention 50% off???)
paper salon monogram builder stamps
technique tuesdays functuation and lil alphas
puffy paint stuff
a new pen
glue lines
sei iron-ons
super cute making memories itty bitty alpha stickers.
fun!
new product inspires me so.
i go through stages...
sometimes it's photos...
sometimes a quote.
but lately, the new goodies are making me feel like creating.

fursday

i love that even with all the new words j has obtained, and how much progress his little language world has made, he still says "fursday" amongst other f-words that aren't really meant to be f-words.

i went shopping again last night. yeppers.
i'm addicted to stamps i think.
eek!
i will take a photo later of my latest so everyone (including me) can drool.
then i'm gonna play.

reading The Big Picture by Stacy Julian.
it's not often i actually *read* idea books.
for me they're mostly a good source for eye candy and visual inspiration.
this one i'm reading...cuz that's the good part about it.
i totally agree with her philosophy...
enjoying the creative process.
using scrapping as a medium for enjoying your life.
she says:
"i think scrapbooking is a way to LIVE WITH PASSION.
it's about being present in your life. it's about recognizing
a fleeting moment as MEMORABLE before it passes
and it's about the ability you have to say, 'I WAS HERE,
i lived and breathed and played in the sand. i learned
and i loved. i laughed and i cried and i danced to disco
in my kitchen.' "

i don't need anyone to tell me that it's ok to not scrap chronologically...
or to remember the little moments...
what to use or how to think...
but the introspection that can come from listening to and absorbing others' opinions, habits, and perspectives is pretty damn cool.

hump day - yay!

the week is almost half over. yeah buddy.

so on saturday when i was @ TOM cropping (ahem...shopping) the night away, i left my three new AWESOME compendium books. tia and elsie had been looking at them, and i just simply forgot them there. i was soooo sad when i realized on the way home. i quickly called the store, to find that elizabeth (the owner, sweet sweet chick who has a twin...an embarassing story to go along with that for another time!) had found someone from burnaby (a suburb of vancouver) to take them home with her and pass them on to me. so much kindness and generosity and plain old good will happening in this whole scrappy world. i love it.

so yesterday, dren went out of his way and pick them up from me after work. it got me thinking about him...and how everyday he does something so simple that i appreciate. simple things that make me happy and make my life easier. so i made this...


the shakespeare quote is out of the book "be" from compendium.

this company's motto is "live inspired". the site, the books...just amazing. totally inspiring. i think i first learned about them on ali's blog, and, coincidentally, was reading stacy julian's "big picture" book on the way to work and she also mentions them. you can just window shop and come up with ideas! lots of good-looking stuff to sift through and dream away... i think these beautiful books are my new addiction (uh oh). amazing stuff. seriously. check it out. you will love it too.

oh happy day

things making me happy today...

it's sunny!!!!!!! (AND the first day of spring - woo hoo!)

memories of yesterday:

holding the book and seeing it in person for the very first time:

(thanks for the photo renee!)

meeting elsie who is in fact uber cool down to earth funny fun chick:


shopping:

(yep, i spoiled mysel)

including these:


and some labels not on their site, but from the same company, cavallini (GORGEOUS stuff!!!)

listening to this old gem:


and drinking:


and thinking about (well what else!!??)...
SCRAPPING!

LOVE!

ok so maybe there was a teeny bit of paint involved...

took an elsie class yesterday at the AWESOME treasury of memories.
my first ever class. never really had the desire before.
i went with renee...who is just fun to do anything with (i guess...we just shop and talk and scrapbook!)
and hung with lots of cool crazy fun girls.
the class was called "button love"
theoretically it included 2 pages and a card.
i...uhm...sort of finished one page.


and i got to touch and feel the one and only copy of the FREESTYLE book that tracy brought for us to touch and feel...
woooo hoooo!!!!
it's really really really happening!
[i have a photo of me holding the book to insert here...
blogger has decided to go on photo-loading strike]
promise to share more asap!

so WEIRD!!!!

why does it always always seem to happen like this?
life can go on in its stable, quiet kinda way...
nothing super exciting happening, but nothing horrible happening either.

then...
GOOD, BAD, GOOD, BAD, BAD, BAD, THEN SUPER FREAKING AWESOME...

it's confusing me and hurting my poor brain!!!!

but hey, at least i can share the super freaking awesome news...

i got one of those honourable mention calls today....

pretty cool, huh?

alone

do you ever have days where you feel alone?
not lonely, but alone.
alone in your situation...

had therapy with the dad today.
what an eye-opener.

i believe in the bettering of self and all that awareness.
but damn is it hard.
emotionally draining.
i've just got no energy left.

anyways...that's what's going on with me today.
well, of course much more in my head.
but that's about all i can muster to share right now.

a strange mixture of sadness and love in my heart today.
i hope that everyone who reads this has someone they love in their life.
anyone.
anyone they can look at or talk to on the phone and say "i love you."
and that's it.

we don't talk to strangers,

right buddy?

right. or monsters either.

aLTeReD sTaTe

dare day yall!

neglectful blogger

with no time to spare.
but you know what...i've had a lot of time to think.
maybe i need to take my digital voice recorder with me on my new bus journey to work every morning.
MAN...in the silence of WALKING BY MYSELF, my mind races.
ideas, thoughts, philosophy...it all just runs rampant.
my quiet place used to be the bathroom...
thinking is good for my brain...i can feel it.

tomorrow is new dare day.
FUN!
supa dupa inspirational cool e.falconbridge is the miss march chica
SUCH good stuff this girl churns out. love it.

adjusting to dren working nights.
he comes to bed around 5:30am and i get up.
i come home and he's gone. crappy huh?
but i get time to myself...i get to miss him...
i think for the short term it might actually be a good thing.
love the man like no one else.

hope you all have a wonderful sleep, sweet sweet dreams...

he's hot AND employed...

yeah baby!
dren starts driving tomorrow night at his new job!
one kinda crappy thing is that he will be working nights to start.
6pm-6am
uhm ya. you read that right.
life is gonna get weird.
but i am looking at it in the most positive light i can.
i mean...the financial stress lately has been about killing me.
no more of that...SUCH a good thing.
hopefully in 3 months he'll get to switch to days,
AND get paid double what he's making to start.
that, my friends, is something to look forward to.

going to an oscar party at aley's tonight
our other sister, rhi, won 3 pedicures at a silent auction...
pedicures that come to US...soooo...
foot love at the oscar party!
and mum's getting a manicure
and other friends will get other stuff...too cool!

mum is pretty settled in the basement suite of the quebec st. house
she got in from saturna last week.
i helped her unload the car and get some stuff unpacked.
she is doing SO well.
at some point we will go back to saturna and pick up the last of her stuff.
once the tenant upstairs moves out and she can have her place back.
she is "reclaiming" the house...strong woman.
appointment march 14 w/my parent's therapist for me & him.
should be interesting.

1:45??? better go have a shower and get ready for party!

fish lips and being too busy

first, the lips (cuz, why not?)



we be silly. i like that.

this week has continued to be insane work-wise.
this is a brief glimpse into a day in the life of me lately:
6:00 alarm goes off
6:07 alarm goes off again (i do hit the snooze button, yes i do)
6:14 alarm goes off again (this time i seriously consider getting up. decide against it)
6:21 alarm goes off (immediately hit snooze)
6:28 alarm goes off (turn alarm OFF...gasp!)
6:29 turn on little light and squint at the pile of clothes on the floor and into the closet, trying to decide what to wear
6:30 get out of bed, stumble to bathroom
6:31 - oh heck i can't seriously go through my whole day minute by minute...
7:30/7:45 arrive @ work
1:00(ish) pause for a bite and a teeny break
4:00 hmmmm time to go home (don't go home, keep working)
4:01 phones are off, blast music and try to focus on some work
6:00(ish) finally pack up and leave
6:30 arrive home
6:35 cram some food in the mouth, madly play and visit w/ boys
7:00 start getting j ready for bed, or d does
7:30 spend some time on computer, answering emails or working more, scrap if i'm lucky
8:00 yawn so much i decide to just veg on the couch instead
(i have no real clue what happens in this time slot...twilight zone)
10:30(ish) decide i'm probably too tired to do anything i should just go to bed

exciting life, huh!!??

going going...

gone.

sick.
ick.

shoulda known burn-out was imminent.
trying to get all nice and caught up at work...
the going home to crawl into bed.

boo hiss.

ciao for now lovelies.

scattered

you ever have days/stages when you just feel scattered? just all over the place. i have about 5 million things to do and ideas bouncing around in my head, and yet if i even start one of those things on my list it gets left unfinished because i get distracted and run off to do something else...

i currently have a one-tenth sorted iPhoto gallery (one of my projects this weekend is to back up my pix on DVD...5000 is too many if anything were to happen), played with some images in Photoshop for printing, started some research, left a scrap page half-finished, a CJ entry half-finished, cleaning/organizing of the scrap stash half done, half-cleaned the bathroom (how is that even possible...why would you want to prolong this task gen!??), a pile of work on my desk to go in to tomorrow morning...it just goes on. My poor brain is crammed all full of partially-finished things! Time to regroup...

i figured that maybe if i sat down at the computer to write about it maybe it would help me gather my thoughts and started getting things done. HA! i'll probably get sucked into the damn machine now and not move all day. but then, if i did that, i would burn the pasta sauce that is bubbling away on the stove! so i guess i better cut the post short (leave yet another thing unfinished) and go stir that sauce.

but...but...i also have so many fun photos from this weekend that i want to share....

help!!!!!

my first dare and more

the latest in Dare Land is up and available for perusal...
what do you think?



here is mine...



in other news: deadlines deadline deadlines.
i'm curious -
why are people who want to make cds & dvds always so far behind the 8ball?
it makes their life difficult.
it makes our lives difficult.
it makes the lives of the people @ the plant difficult.
it makes NO sense!
our motto:
do NOT book your CD release party/show/conference/whatever before you have your discs in hand!!!!
do people listen to our oh-so-wise motto?
not generally, no they don't
just one of the bits and pieces making my life exhausting this week.

but this little gem just this minute came out of j's mouth:
(is awake at 11:30pm because he's getting sicko so is lying on the couch watching the discovery channel w/ d woo hoo good cozy couch times)
"sometimes i watched that before.
when i was sixteen years old!"
-jaxon @ 4 years old.
(d and i LOST it, of course)

also in the good news section:
i had so much fun tonight w/ renee.
this girl has a heart of gold.
so generous and beautiful and kind.
so glad to have her as a friend.

alright. time for a few cheetos (yep - 24 hr shopper's drug mart came in handy renee! lol) and a good night's sleep.

the boy can ride!!

i emerged from the pits today early enough to get to take j out for a little ride.
just me and him. so nice.
and his training wheels are officially OFF.
super exciting!
he is just so good...lil thing.
got this from the weekend...
just 3 days ago...
when he was still learning if you can believe that.
i's a proud & happy mama today.

disappearing into the pits of hell

also known as: work without a receptionist/$ person for a whole week...
i'm gonna work my butt off today and hopefully get all miraculously caught up so that i don't have to disappear for the whole entire week never to be seen or heard from again for the whole week... :P
i am desperate to blog and pea but just freakin CAN'T right now...
hope to later...just know i DO love you i DO!!!!
back to the pits....wish me luck.

eeeeeek!

the rest of the world awakes much earlier than west coast me...tee hee!
have a peek-see... here

this is exciting for me.
i have believed in what all of these talented and thought-provoking ladies put together...from day one.
all of them.
i LOVE the idea of getting inspiration from all around...from real life.
this is very exciting for me.

thank you thank you thank you.
i feel blessed today by life.

wanna see...

...what i got for v-day?
dren took some inspiration from the g(s) layout i was in the process of making...
cut up some of his own chester paper and came up with this:


and wrote something soooooper sweet inside too (of course).
and wanna hear something funny?
i had spent a bunch of time the night before cutting out bits and pieces for my layout.
i walked in the door tuesday after work and just about flipped my lid...
i thought he used MY bits and pieces!
goes to show how presumptious i can be.
i thankfully kept my mouth shut long enough to actually walk over to the table and take a closer look.
doh!
what a wonderful wife i am...ick.
but i'm workin on it...i am.

oh, and here's the g(s) page (vegas3:g2&g1):


happy thursday loves!
2 more work days then the weeeeekend!

self-talk#3

they say people in your life are seasons
and anything that happens is for a reason

-kanye west, hear 'em say (feat. adam levine)

happy valentine's day everyone.

check it!!!

apears to be up for preorder now in cyberworld...
this is just SO exciting my friends!!!
and i'm so so so so happy to be able to share.

to scrap?

or not to scrap?
that is the question.

hmmmm...it's 11:24.
i just went thru my BOS of PEAS.
WOW there is some A M A Z I N G stuff in there.
i'm feeling inspired.
but yeah...it's kinda late.
hmmm
am i tired?
or am i inspired?

hmmmm.............................

my house is a pit

today will be cleaning and grocery shopping day.
seriously...it's gotten to the point where i just can't ignore it anymore.

i was at this point where i would consider cleaning and organizing my scrap area because it's becoming just so disorganized and messy, but every day the urge to create would overcome that urge to clean. i do LOVE scrappin in a clean space. so inspiring. so today, since i feel like my house is literally caving in on me (i look to the left of my computer and i see flip-flops, a pile of misc papers that fell, a lint brush, a couple of toys, a toy part, an empty plastic food container, a pillow, a towel, hamburger buns in a bag (WTF????)...and to the right...a towel (used to cover my scanner, but still), a couple more incomplete toys, a basket of toys on MY table (hmmm...mama on the warpath comin up), a shirt that got water spilled on it so it promptly had to come off, three plants that need to be watered, photo paper that has to be put away, my vitamin container that needs to be filled up, glasses cleaner rag thingy, and a couple of nail polish bottles (jaxon is obsessed w/ nail polish these days).

nuff said. time to clean.

boss lady

guess what I heard last night when Dren was brushing J's teeth?

D: "Do you know who the REAL boss around here is?"
J: "What?"
D: "The real boss. Do you know who the real boss is?"
J: "No."
D: "Mummy. She's the boss around here."

YEAH BABY!!!!!
just one of the guzzillion reason i love this man.

yeah baby!

it stayed with me...
all the way till 11pm when i finally got to sit down.

quite possibly the worst of all my vegas pix.
tee hee...

OH! and i almost forgot!

Dren paaaaaaaaassed!!!!
Yippee!!!
Now to find him a job.
But for the time being, that stress is o-vah.

so much better +

thank you.
thank you for your kind comments, emails, thoughtful wishes.

as i wrote elsewhere earlier...things always look brighter by the light of day.
and what a LIGHT-filled and gorgeous day. crisp and breezy. blue sky. sunshine.
i'm so lucky in this life.
today i remember something my mama said last night.
it was in reference to my dad's mid-life crisis or whatever the hell is going on with him.

doesn't he know how lucky we are?
he has to know how wealthy we are.
we have two beautiful houses.
we have a family...children...grandchildren.
we have money in the bank.
we have friends.
we are so lucky.

it's a much more optomistic mood today my friends.
i'm tempted to NOT check my email today when i get home.
go straight into play mode.
so feeling the need to create.
there is SO much inspiration out there.
oh yeah. plus, i have 3 circle journals sitting at home.
and 3 more on their way to me.
i think between kathy and i we are holding up about 29 people.
suffice to say, the procrastination resolution is not going so well.
but hey...sometimes things get in the way.
you deal with them, you move on.

i realize i have done NOTHING with vegas pix yet.
haven't shared.
haven't scrapped em.
must do so. and feeling like doing so.
YES!

love yall...

i'm sorry to report

disclaimer: i might ramble...sorry.

it's been another tough evening.
the day was OK.
i got an email tonight from my dad.
i'm not sure i would normally share this, but to be honest my emotions are so raw right now that i feel like writing and crying might be therapeutic. somehow writing to share is easier and comes more easily...sharing with people who care...
some of you might know that i have two sisters. they're actually my half sisters, but we're so close that i don't introduce them as, "this is my half-sister aley/rhi"...i just call them my sisters. they don't biologically belong to my father, but he's treated them as his. they also have a relationship with their dad, so it's not like my dad took the place of theirs. they call him by his name, tony. a year ago something happened that totally rocked our family and put my parent's relationship on the rocks officially after 30 years of marriage. for a year they have struggled...tried, sought therapy, fought, communicated, made an effort. let's not pretend they had a perfect marriage up until that point - not true by any means. this was only the symptom of the real problems lying deep below the surface of what they called marriage. this little bit of background might help you understand the email below a little more.

email from dad:
Subject: Update
Not a happy one, I'm afraid. There's no easy way to say it. I've decided to live alone, at least for the present. Annie has graciously agreed to stay in Vancouver until we make a final decision. I'm afraid that at least to begin with you are all likely to see this as selfish on my part, and grossly unfair to your mother. I want you to know that's pretty much the way I see it too, although Annie doesn't agree with 'unfair', that's because she's so scrupulously honourable and fair herself, among her other fine and lovely attributes.

You might wonder, since she's so terrific, why I don't want to live with her. Sometimes I have to wonder myself. But I'm afraid that at the moment I can see no other way to a completely honest future, together or apart, than by being separate now.

If you want to write to me, or call, I'll be genuinely happy to talk to you or write back. If you don't want to do any of that for now, I completely understand. I love you all.

t/d
/end email from dad

so i read it. i don't think i've even read it all yet. i saw it, i realized my mum was in town almost at the minute i read it, and called her. my sister aley was over. we had gone for a brisk walk (yay - exercise!) before having dinner all together. mum was bringing stuff in from the car to her house (she takes a ferry from saturna island...their "retirement" place). we hung up. i got sad. really truly sad. i'm just so sad. she called back when she was done unloading and talked to aley. aley got sad. it was an evening of hugs and tears in my house. i said to her..."i really want to be with mum...i want to take her flowers and for her to not be alone...i want to give her a hug". so we did. we went to safeway. we got her three bright bright primulas - all different gorgeous colours. then we wanted to make sure she had snacks and food. we got her a croissant for the morning. crackers, cheese, butternut squash soup, carrots, apples, grapes, milk...

so we took the goods to her and she smiled so large. we both gave her huge hugs and i promptly burst into tears. but it was good to just know she was ok. to be able to get that hug...for myself...not just to be able to give her one. i realized as much as i wanted to do for her...she was doing for me. we have a strong bond, her and i. i'm glad we three got to sit and talk.

i am so confused. i am so upset. i am so mad. at every turn of events my brain patterns shift. i'm reminded all of a sudden that this is happening. it has been a year of emotional turmoil. i feel such extreme sadness for my mama. i feel like i might be mourning my relationship with my father. i have realized how little of a relationship i have with my father.

sharing feels ok. writing is therapeutic. so is the l a r g e glass of wine that dren just placed in front of me. if nothing else i am learning some lessons that my parents could have stood to learn 30 years ago. i appreciate my husband so much right now.

thank you so much for listening if you have made it to this point.

monday...

back to work day...
i thought holidays were supposed to leave you feeling refreshed and ready for work again?
not so.
damn!

oh well.
the sun is shining.
i am alive and breathing.

OH!
dren's class 1 driving test is today...in TWO hours.
he neeeeeds to pass so he can get a job.
send good luck vibes, K?

love love love to everyone on this...sigh...monday.

xoxo

last night

so while i'm mostly obsessed with my recent trip to vegas and all things vegas and my pictures and oh yeah getting settled back into home life and figuring out how to tell the whole vegas story in pictures when my iPhoto will NOT cooperate...i just wanted to share with you what i did last night.

my sister and i finally made and kept a date. it was really nice to spend time with her and catch up and have some fun. aley and i do this weird connect/disconnect thing every once in a while and it feels good to be connected again. she scored some free tickets to an art opening last night at the vancouver art gallery. the artist's name is brian jungen and he is amazing. a local vancouver aboriginal artist who has become famous for making traditional native masks from nike athletic shoes.



how cool is that!!??

you can read more about him and the show here...
http://www.vanartgallery.bc.ca/exhibitions_brianjungen.cfm
(sorry - too lazy to link properly...is there an easy way to do it??)

vegas is crazy!

I still need more time for it all to sink in.
but in the meantime.
so glad i went.
LOVE the ladies i met.
every single one. LOVE YOU!!!
yummy goodies.
crazy vegas.

everything in life being difficult for meghan rubbing off on me...
LOOK:

ACTUAL leaving time?
10:45pm


arrival time?
1:45am

ahhhh. home sweet home.

looking forward to sharing more pix and details a little later.
mmmmmwah!