sick, sad & happy all at once

So I'm sick. Got a cold. Totally hit me yesterday and I passed out about 8:30. Today I'm feeling better than yesterday but I sound way worse. Go figure. Dosed up on Dayquil today, and while it's not quite as effective as Tylenol Cold and Flu, at least I'm vertical. Sinus colds in the summer suck. Also our whole house is infected. Ick.

Sad & Happy at the same time. Weird huh? But I'm sure it's totally normal. (as if I have to assure myself that my feelings are "normal" when what is "normal" anyway and I never pretended to be "normal" a day in my life.

But I digress...I suppose the Dayquil might have something to do with me going off on a philisophical tangent...let's not shall we? OK then.)

So. Jaxon started kindergarten yesterday. But yesterday wasn't the first real kindergarten day. Because the parents and kids basically met the teacher, they got a "welcome to kindergarten" award, name tags, and coloured a poster that said "Today is my first day of kindergarten" and got their photos taken with said poster. We learned the rules of kindergarten, were told to bring a change of clothes and healthy snacks, stayed for 45 minutes and all parents and children went on their merry way. All of this happened at 11:00am...perfect timing for working parents I might add...I feel grateful and lucky to have a somewhat flexible job where I can do this sort of thing with my kid. It was totally fun.

Today was the first "official" day of kindergarten. The door to the classroom stayed closed until it was time, and then when we got to the door Ms. Sran nicely but firmly said "Kids only today, no parents!" with a big smile on her face. My heart sort of leapt into my throat. Slight panic set in. We can't even enter the classroom now? What about all the instructions I have for you about the daycare teacher picking him up after the hour was done? What about this plastic bag I have full of clothes that you told us to bring? He can't walk away from me without his spiderman lunch bag...he needs to remember to take it when the daycare teacher picks him up! Will you remind him? I only had about 17 seconds to spit this out (in a much calmer manner than I was feeling in my head and heart and tummy). While we had been waiting for the door to open, Jaxon had sweetly whined/whispered "mama will you stay with me? why can't you stay with me? i want you to stay with me!". At that point I had been the strong one. Once that door opened and the teacher spoke, he was all "bye mama!" as the lure of the fresh new classroom pulled him in. I was happy about that, and at the same time, as I walked away, I couldn't believe we were here already. I called Dren and left him a message about how our baby was growing up and could he believe it and I was sad and happy all at once. I want Jaxon to grow up well-adjusted and happy of course, but transitions (huge transitions) like this make me a little bit unsure and sentimental. I'll do my best to help him make it through, and in time everything will get easier for me as well...I know that.

As I drove to work I thought about the little book I started last month for the Memory Creators newsletter front page project. The title of the book is "Jaxon starts school" and it's an altered board book that I gessoed and painted and have begun to embellish. I am definitely going to put this to good use. As well as recording his changes, accomplishments, and trials during this time, I'm going to make sure to add mine as well. And I'm thinking it might just help ease my soul.