No breaks

I never give myself a break. I tell myself "I'll leave that mess, that pile of dishes, that laundry, that whatever until tomorrow. I think I'm letting myself off and giving myself a break, but I'm not really. Because everytime I was past that mess, that pile of dishes, that laundry, that whatever...I torture myself mentally. "Ugh...that is so ugly to look at" "oh you are such a slob" "oh why can't you keep your mouth shut?" "why don't you do your hair anymore". And worse, it's subconscious. I've practiced it so much that it is that silent but deadly self talk. The digs that get under your skin and into your brain without you even knowing it.

Recognition = the first step

There are certain things we must do; our responsibilities and committments. Perhaps I take on too much, but being busy and contributing mean a lot to me. I don't want anything to suffer. And something always does. And so, I continue to strive for balance. I want to participate in the co-op and advocate to get our leaky building fixed. I want to continue to make art and scrapbook. I want to have a clean house and a happy family. I want to spend time with friends and read books. I want to do yoga and have time for a cup of coffee in the mornings. I want to expand my culinary skill and comfort zone. I want a lot and little by little, step by step, I'm gonna get it damnit.

Yours in continually striving for balance,
g