02 May 2007

No breaks

I never give myself a break. I tell myself "I'll leave that mess, that pile of dishes, that laundry, that whatever until tomorrow. I think I'm letting myself off and giving myself a break, but I'm not really. Because everytime I was past that mess, that pile of dishes, that laundry, that whatever...I torture myself mentally. "Ugh...that is so ugly to look at" "oh you are such a slob" "oh why can't you keep your mouth shut?" "why don't you do your hair anymore". And worse, it's subconscious. I've practiced it so much that it is that silent but deadly self talk. The digs that get under your skin and into your brain without you even knowing it.

Recognition = the first step

There are certain things we must do; our responsibilities and committments. Perhaps I take on too much, but being busy and contributing mean a lot to me. I don't want anything to suffer. And something always does. And so, I continue to strive for balance. I want to participate in the co-op and advocate to get our leaky building fixed. I want to continue to make art and scrapbook. I want to have a clean house and a happy family. I want to spend time with friends and read books. I want to do yoga and have time for a cup of coffee in the mornings. I want to expand my culinary skill and comfort zone. I want a lot and little by little, step by step, I'm gonna get it damnit.

Yours in continually striving for balance,
g

11 comments:

Lala said...

Some very good- deep thoughts here! Hope you are having a great week!

la-

stephaniehowell said...

you can do it, g.
hope everything is okay-

Vee said...

i can so relate

Brigitte said...

Don't beat yourself up. You can only do so much .. just continue to do your best and everything will fall into place. All the really good things in life aren't things at all - so enjoy all of your moments and let go of the rest! It will all be OK...

Tammy said...

So hard to read your thoughts right now as they are mirroring mine. We all seem to want sooo much but reallt it boils down to something so basic.... Happiness...
HAve a great day and next time you pass the mess or the mirror, stick your tongue out at it LOL.

sarah said...

I think we ALL can relate to this...
and like you said - step by step.
if you have to take baby steps,
take baby steps.
eventually it will all fall into place.

have a good weekend...
suppose to be sunny here -
hope it's sunny for you up north!

HollyCroteau said...

I am so totally feeling you.

Bella-Enchanted said...

I agree with you on all points!
Maybe someday I will achieve balance as well!And I wish you Luck!
From one Genevieve to another!

Kathy Bishop (aka scrappinkat) said...

Hey girl! Been thinking of you :D You know what Gen, you deserve it all too! And little by little I am sure it will all come, now to just work on that patience part lol

Nicole Carro said...

Hi Gen,
I've seen your stuff on The Dares and love it. This is my first time visiting your blog - I can totally relate to this entry - glad to see I'm not the only one.

xobellaaimox said...

loved this post.