human nature

Today I was driving home and while I waited to make a left onto Broadway from Clarke, I noticed a woman begging with a cardboard sign, standing on the median of the busy street. Homeless people are, unfortunately, all over the place in Vancouver. The climate is mild and so people tend to migrate West. The thing about this woman was that she was relatively healthy-looking and fairly well-dress. She had a sweater and hat and gloves on (it's mild, but not spring yet). Her sign read "I'm begging because I have no where to go. I'm all alone. Anything will help." I know lots of people get irritated constantly being asked for money on the street. Dren isn't the most compassionate when it comes to the homeless....he feels like there are resources for people if they really want help. I feel like I'm not necessarily informed enough to judge either way.

As I watched, the woman turned her attention to a truck in the lane just to the right of mine. She stepped off the median into the street. I thought that maybe someone was giving her some change. The light turned green, and I saw her make an animated gesture with her gloved hand. When she turned to walk back to the median she was crying. My heart sunk. I just felt so bad for her. Her face was red from the cold. I honked and pointed to the other side of the street. I stopped at the bus stop and put my hazard lights on. She walked up beside the car and I handed her the lone $5 bill from my wallet. I don't even normally have cash on me, but I remembered that I had change from something yesterday. I told her it was all I had. She said "thank you" and I told her to take care of herself. She said she was trying. I drove away. I felt pressure to get going. It was rush hour and I was on my way to pick Jaxon up. It felt wonderful to be able to do that, but then a feeling of sadness washed over me. I wanted to know what her deal was. I wished that I had offered for her to be able to talk to me if she wanted. I wished that I had had more money or that I could afford to give her more somehow.

As many homeless people as there are in this city, we usually only get to see the negative sides of them...or the parts that we don't understand (much of the city's homeless population suffers from mental illness and/or drug addiction). A glimpse into this woman's life for a brief fleeting moment reminded me that homeless people are still people. This woman, whoever she is, has feelings and a soul.

I don't know why I feel like I should be able to do more...a weird guilt thing that I'm not doing enough, I can't say no, etc. That's my own issue and every time something happens to make me feel those feelings I have the opportunity to learn and grow and change. But on this particular day I also need to remember what I did, that it was just enough for that exact moment, and that it gave me the opportunity to think about people and human nature. To remember that there is enough negativity in the world without assuming there is more.