12 July 2006

thinking, reflecting and processing.

Today, i read in ali's life artist newsletter about melody ross's blog. I checked it out, and was impressed with the open direction she has taken. Talking about the real, the raw, the difficult stuff, right alongside the good stuff. Well, hey...really, it's all good isn't it?

Since reading, I've been thinking. I don't want to leave out the mad, bad and sad (to quote Melody). I rarely journal these days, except for here and in my scrapbooks. Although there are people reading this (and that's what makes it different from a book that I keep in my underwear drawer or wherever), I do feel a certain sense of anonymity. I don't always know WHO is reading...and while I totally appreciate when people leave comments...(it is part of why I do this online instead of in a private notebook)...I am really doing this because I get something out of notating my life this way. I am so happy to be keeping a regular journal of any kind. It's easy to do, and it's fun. But I do want it to be a true reflection of who I am, not just the latest project, photo, or cute thing my kid did. I want to look back at my archives and remember TRULY what was going on...what I was thinking about life, and what I was feeling.

Not only do I want to look back and remember the truth...I want my family to know the truth about me.

I do have a story to share...a burden in my life that I haven't shared completely (there have been hints along the way, mind you) and I think I'm getting closer to writing it down. I'm a procrastinator, you see...and so I can always find an excuse to leave it for later. But really, I'm just scared. I'm getting closer though. Definitely. And honestly...I think a huge weight will be lifted if I can just figure out what to say and how to say it.


Tam said...


I checed out Melody's blog to last night via AE and totally dig her new approach and aspect on releasing all of us.

Being emotionally free.

I do that a lot on my blog just bitch and type and lay everything out on the line even if it's sucky and sure- sometimes I wonder what people might think of me when they read what I say but at the end of the day I don't care.

It's one less burden my soul has to carry...

It's a good thing.
Scary, but good.

Life is a journey, ya know. We all say that. But sometimes all you ever see and read (especially on blogs) is about the great, fun, happy times. And yeah I love to share those too but if you're not accepting of the bad shit that you experience how will you ever grow emotionally???

That's part of why I read you blog. Because it's not always "fluff" stuff Gen. You're real. I imagine if we met in person you would be exactly like you are in the emails we have exchanged and comments and words you have shared.

I know you will find the strength to one day let go of this baggage you are carrying and all of us who love you will be right here.

Real friends hang around even through the ugly shit.

Be strong girlfriend.

<3 ya!

Jen said...

Well, now I'm curious.
But you have to be comfortable enough to share it, and I understand that.
Sometimes opening up is HARD......

*~*Jocelynne*~* said...

I've talked quite a bit on my blog about depression and my bi-polar disorder. It's oddly therapeutic. And people can relate, maybe not so much about the diagnosis, but things I feel.

You'll share when you're ready. And we'll be here to support you, if it's support you want. I think I might know what it is you're referring to, though I can't recall how I came across the info. And if that's it, you're stronger than you think you are!

Amber said...

it's amazing when you let things out. i learn so much just from writing. so much. you will be ready soon.

Missy said...

You know I'm right here... with a shoulder to lean on and an ear to listen. :)

and dude. I know that pic is serious gen... but it could be an album cover. serious.

Mara said...

ok. that pic.
ya. amazingness.
and this post.
i love it.
a lot.

Renee said...

love the bangs Gen! ;)
Writing is therapy. Sharing is therapy. Do whatever feels right for you. Either way I'm here for you. And coming over to scrap with you and C soon! Pinky swear!

PS-See I did leave a comment this time. ;)

Later gater...

sarahbee said...

i totally get what your saying about leaving your mark, so to speak, I am also trying to get more real in my writing especially on my blog, I do have family anf friends that might not like some of the things that I have to say but, in the end i feel if they truly love they will understand that expressing myself fully is something I HAVE to do. TFS!

coloribus said...

Thank you to share with us all your thoughts with as much of sincerity,
i'm according to you, it's vital to be emotionnaly free ...
You are on the high road, it's a cinch !

Jamie said...

Wow Gen. This takes so much courage, and I'm very very proud of you. It takes a lot to put yourself out there like that, good for you. I hope things are going ok for you, and I can't wait to see you next week. :) Huge hugs girly. :)

Anonymous said...

you'll do it when you are good and ready
and it will be ok and just try to be happy for now.

Alissa said...

amazing post
amazing photo
amazing person, you are!
we'll be here for you, when you're ready!


Caroline said...

it'll come out when it comes out
amazing post.

Michelle W. said...

you are amazing... cuz I feel everything you write. <3


Anonymous said...

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