29 August 2006

what went down

ok. So "life-altering" may have been a bit dramatic and misleading. But, I do hope that what happened will help change my life and I really do believe that's possible. At the wedding this weekend, I had been (quite lovingly) roped into doing the bride's hair and makeup AND taking photographs. I am by no means anywhere even remotely so a professional, but Dee says that she likes the photos I take and that they just couldn't afford a professional, especially on such short notice. I told her there were no guarantees and that she best be telling every Tom Dick and Harry to bring their cameras too. But honestly, I had SO much fun.

We got to the hotel where they had a block of rooms reserved at about 12:30. We chilled for a bit, did some sudoku (i GET it now!!!!), ironed our clothes and that sort of miscellaneous stuff. Around 2:00pm, we headed up to the bride & groom's room. Gorgeous, looking out over a harbour (I think it was a harbour, anyway) and started the preparations. Bride's hair into rollers, lingerie tried and altered just slightly with a needle and thread. Dress, wrap and shoes shown off. Champagne popped. There were 5 of us, including the bride. It was just FUN. Enter maid of honour. Hmmm. Same stiff appearance as when I had met her on Thursday. Oh well, it's all good...we'll get her warmed up.

3 of the girls left, and I and the MOH (maid of honour, from this point forward) stayed. The MOH was getting herself ready...doing her makeup and primping. I was getting the bride's makeup done as well as my own, and jumping into my dress at the last minute. The bride had a minor panic attack and I helped her through that...calm thoughts, breathing, "woooooo-saaahhhh" (Bad Boys, anyone?). Brother and Father of the Bride appear to drive us to the house on the lagoon (also known as house of Mother of the Groom and Stepfather of the groom). MOH leaves to go back to her room; she will go with her husband to the ceremony. We arrive at the house on the lagoon. Still as gorgeous as I remember. Photos galore, bride still in curlers, dress goes on, hair comes out, girls come visit, makeup gets touched up, shawlwrap thingy goes on. We're ready.

It was a beautiful ceremony. I took hundreds of photos. I need to, because I take lots that are blurry (see freestyle blog challenge lol). Fast forward. Everyone was having a blast, including me. The food was yummy, but I didn't eat quite enough.

Later in the evening, things went a tad south. The MOH figured a way to literally get me cornered in the bedroom where the girls had been getting ready before the ceremony. I didn't even realize until later that it really was something she PLANNED. The conversation that ensued was one of the most bizarre that I've ever had in my entire life. Without going into all the minute details, she had come to the conclusion that I was mad at her and jealous of her because she was the MOH and not me. I did try to tell her that I understood perfectly well that they had known eachother for 18 or so years and that she was one of Dee's dearest friends and that I was totally fine with that. She didn't buy it.

I did pretty well during the "conversation", which was really more about her bringing up topics to have me say something that she could then argue with me about or put me down or dig into me with a comment. I realized that she was obviously a miserable person herself, that she obviously has issues that I'm not even aware of, that somehow she thought that not getting along with me would serve her in some way. I stayed calm, rational, and pleasant.

We were interrupted by a very nice young family member and I was ever so grateful. She left the room, and I spoke with one of the groom's younger cousins for a little while. Then, I proceeded to spill red wine onto my makeup bag, which was closed, but happened to be sitting on the groom's mother's bed. On that bed? An heirloom-ish type quilt that "Aunty Nancy" had made. The whole family has one. OH. MY. GOD. In walks the MOH. OH. GREAT. She pretended at that point to be VERY helpful, trying to find mineral water for me and the like. I dabbed and prodded, but the majority of the red wine would not budge. In walks the groom's mother. She quickly pulls the quilt off the bed and says "my Aunty Nancy made this for me!" and whisks it out of the room and away from me.

I took a few deep breaths, gathered my belongings from the room into one bag (just in case I had to make a mad dash for the exit), and went to go find the groom's mother. I couldn't find her. All of a sudden, with all that had happened, in such a short amount of time, a feeling of totally sadness overcame me. I was tired, I had tried so hard to do my best and make this day special for my friends, and I was just sad. I went to find Dee who was dancing, and quickly spit out how I had spilled wine on the quilt, and the tears came. She had a slightly astonished expression on her face. Totally understandable. I could have handled either of those situations...NO PROBLEM. But not both of them one right after another, and not on that day. And especially when one involved someone just being so incredibly mean and rude without any reason whatsoever. Through the tears that would not stop by that point (and I mean, I really really tried), I told her the story in short format. Another friend had gone to get the groom's mother to tell her that I had been looking for her and couldn't find her and was really upset. She found us, and although I could tell she was upset, told me not to worry and to come and have a good time. We left the MOH and the bride talking. Unfortunately, I just couldn't really get it together after that and we ended up leaving.

The next day (Sunday) was travel day back to the mainland. We missed our ferry due to me screwing up our reservation. Go me. Yes, I almost cried as I begged them to let us on. We had to wait one sailing, but at least we got home that day. We hung at the terminal with two other friends that missed the 12:55 sailing as well and laughed and joked about the evening before and I got a ton of support for what had happened.

Monday, I felt a case of the Mondays for sure. No friends around, hadn't talked to Dee yet, and was back at work after a very emotionally up and down weekend. I got home and Dee came knocking on my door with a glass of red wine. "I just came to bring this...and also to say I'm SO SORRY for what happened on Saturday". We talked, and I felt soooo much better. I was glad to hear about how she had not let it affect her night. I was appalled to hear that the MOH's behaviour all night towards everyone who crossed her path was totally awful. She made poor impressions all around. I felt sad for that and for Dee, who had trusted her friend to stand up for her.

It really hurt that someone could just be so MEAN. I do not claim to be a saint...I get angry, I yell, I might gossip from time to time. But I do not intentionally want to make people feel uncomfortable, upset, or sad. And THAT is what I mean by life-altering. Having something like this happen TO me, completely out of my control, reminds me how important it is to understand what human beings can feel. Reminded me to not assume you know something about someone...not assume you KNOW someone, without getting to know them. Yes, it sucked to have my feeling hurt like that. But I suppose it was worth it to get that reminder and re-learn a lesson we learn as children.

I know this post went on and on (and on) but it did feel good to get it all out. I won't re-read it just yet...and so I can only hope that it's somewhat intelligible and that I didn't leave out a plot-altering scene...;) And yes, parts of this are already appearing somewhat funny to me...and will probably get funnier as time wears on. Especially considering the gift that came from ME (and 4 other people, but forget them!) SCRATCHED the CRAP out of their dining room table!!!!

Be kind. As best you can. To those you love, to strangers....to human beings.


Jen said...

What a skank.
And I can't WAIT to see some of these pics, I'm sure you did a beautiful job!

Mara said...

hugs, g.
you have SUCH a big heart.
so evident.

BriYve said...

Oh! Gen lots of hugs. Don't worry...Be happy :) Can't wait to see some of those pics.

Kirsten said...

People amaze me everyday...I really don't understand how they can be SO rude.

and yet, I do have a big mouth so thanks for the reminder.
it's so much better to be one of the good guys.

Jess said...

What a big weekend
Its over now....

Funky Finds said...

Wow...what an emotional beating! At least it's all behind you & you are on good footing w/your friend. Sorry you had to go through all of that!

Nisa said...

If I were there I would have punched her in the throat for you.
(ok, so maybe I have a lesson or two to learn also...)
Love you.

sarah said...

gen, you have an amazing heart.
this story is proof of that.

Anonymous said...

you need me to come up there and kick some ass?
cuz i'll do it for my sweet gen!
you handled the situation beautifully my dear,
you should hold your head up high.

Tami said...

why is it that weddings bring out the worst in people. was the MOH married? is she jealous of the bride? strange. i had a horrible thing happen around my wedding. i didn't ask my best friend to be in the wedding, i was the MOH at hers, I explained myself, she seemed fine with it and i never heard from her again.

Renee said...

aww..Gen you are so sweet, how can anybody be mean to you. :( That sucks.

Ashley said...

you are such a good, good person.
and that comes across to ALL of us.
it really does.
this was SO bridget jones diary.
your words read JUST like that book.


gabbyfek said...

love you, angel girl.
so so so much.

Valerie said...

I am SO sorry!! That's horrible!! I had something very similar happen at my wedding with one of my bridesmaids, and I'm still very upset about it. Don't know what to do. Again, sorry it happened!!