Dishwashers and Five Year Olds

I'm still here! Buried under endless piles - in my head. I just wrote this whole big thing about wondering if I'm going crazy because I'm approaching 30 and went on and on and couldn't stop thinking crappy thoughts about everyone and everything and honestly, I just didn't want to think about stress and busy-ness or anything negative. Amazing how a girl can bring herself down. And what's the point of that? So. While I near 30, I will instead work again (hard) on the gratitude thing.

Speaking of gratitude, a couple of months ago Dren and I bought a dishwasher from our friends above us who were moving into a new house. This is one of the best decisions we've made in a LONG time. Amazingly enough, the dishwasher=cleaner kitch=more time=happy people. Yep...definitely a thing to not take for granted.

I'm finding Jaxon's age right now funny, delightful, trying, tiring and exhilarating all at the same time. He is totally learning to read. He constantly gets his "b"s and "d"s mixed up and sometimes he has fun with it and we totally laugh together over the mistake that sometimes ends up being quite hilarious. But sometime he gets upset and frustrated. I think he's got his mother's personality, quite frankly. Especially these days...oy!

I've been working on lots of scrap-related stuff...The Dare site, of course. Trying to problem solve and research and figure out the gallery but we'll see how that goes. Then there is Canada's Scrapbooking Crop for Kids, which is such an amazing event this group of women across Canada
have put together. Getting kits ready to go for my first ever teaching experience. How nerve-wracking is that!? Scrapologie's September kit, which of course is as divine as ever. Yum!

And then there's the cleaning...which I'm extra behind on so off I go!

xog

some stuff that's popped up over the last little while...(i got a bunch of old pix printed because my printer's been on the fritz)...

wednesday shall be bitch day

I have been very upbeat and positive and while I think that's a great thing and positive thinking and critical thinking have helped me (a lot) I don't want to fool anyone into thinking that I am always happy-bubbly-go-lucky girl. Anyone who has read my blog more than for the past week would know that anyway. But still. While I'm on the "upswing" I would like to keep a realistic perspective. I get grumpy, I have PMS, I'm a total klutz and things piss me off. So while thinking about how irritated I was this morning and having funny witty things to say to Josh (my co-worker) about our wonderful clients, I realized that I can get it out and not have it be a total downer. It is not all good in the hood.

Bitch Wednesdays are born.

I am such a klutz that it really doesn't phase me much when I whack my (insert applicable body part here) on (insert applicable hard item here, usually a door frame, railing, cupboard door, desk, car steering wheel, etc.). I just say "ow" or "ouch" and move on. Today I have an unusually sore spot on the part of my hand that is hard (not the palm but the back do we call it?)...nearly where it meets the wrist. I examine it. There is no huge amount of swelling or a bruise really, but mousing makes it hurt and so does pressing on it (trying to figure out exactly what is going on there). I vaguely remember whacking it on something and rubbing it really hard. Yes, I'm sure that's what happened. I have bruises all over my legs. Usually not shin ones like Jaxon gets - mine are more desk level and bum level. Those would be bum bruises then, not leg ones. I realize that.

I have a headache today and I don't feel like taking anything for it. I'm such a pill-popper and today I'm seeing if lots of water will do the trick. What a matyr.

Some people are so dumb. Talking with customers on the phone who don't know their own project title (as in, filling out order forms, asking "project title? what's that?"). Listen mister...if you don't know what the project is called, you probably a) should not be allowed to do said project, or b) should not be in charge of filling out order forms for said project. If you are over 15 and can read, I should not have to help you fill out the order forms. Seriously.

My house is a friggin disaster and while I want it to be clean I have no desire (and I mean none) to clean it. Normally I'm a cleaner. If it's messy to the point of bugging me, I clean. I no longer bitch and nag and insist we split up the chores into some sort of regular routine. Let's face it - he needs a uniform to wear to work and my supply of clothes is practically endless (well, it won't run out before his will, anyway) so he gets stuck with the laundry and that's a pretty big chore. The rest just isn't worth fighting over. Maybe I'll clean today when I get home. But also maybe not.

I have no childcare for before and after school come September. I'm seriously stressing.

I would much rather be at home playing. I surfed a bit this morning and read blogs and totally procrastinated and wasted time. I should probably get back to work, but really all I want to do after receiving mountains of inspiration is go home. To my messy house. Put on my headphones and drown myself in a bucket of gesso and paper.

Gratitude ('cause even pissed off people can be grateful)
Today, I'm grateful that my seriously dirty hair looks really cute all piled on top of my head. At least, I think so.

driving + lots of scraps

I came in to work extra early today to get caught up on some stuff. I drove in while the morning sun shone its special morning light and there were hardly any cars on the road. It was a tiny little piece of heaven. I got to work and was greeted by a brand-spankin new operating system on my computer (good) and all my preferences and presets so not there (bad). Good thing I came in early...certainly not caught up. Blech.

Ready to be smacked in the face with a bunch of pages and stuff? The first bunch are all using the June 'ologie kit. Such good times, as usual. The girl seriously knows how to thrown down some serious kit action.













Then, there's a thing I did for the Lazar Street Team challenge for June (they forgot about me but I harassed them enough to put it up):

We were to use a digital product from Lazar and a manilla folder. Because I'm superduper lucky (and happen to live in the same location as the fabulous owner of said company) I added some other Lazar goodies in for good measure. And used my typewriter for the first time in a long time. And made a mistake. But I don't care. Live, learn, move on.

I worked some more on the 20x20 last night too. Have to take some shots before I work on it today. Really, I should clean the bathroom. But painting is so much more fun!

Gratitude:

really, need i say more?

little miss sunshine

That's me today. Little Miss Sunshine. I think it's just amazing how the weather can affect my mood(ssss).

Lately, I have sucked at scrapbooking. I just feel that way. Whatever. It goes that way sometimes I guess. I dug up an old challenge from March @ 'ologie and pumped this one out in about 5 minutes last night. No text, no journalling, no title, not much of anything except the 5 items we were challenged to use. And a photo. Simple. Forcing myself to get back to my roots - back to basics...think about the design. And I actually like it. I've been having so much fun altering things and making minis and painting that I'm scared to scrapbook. Or when I do I for some reason feel like I need my scrapbooking and other stuff to "match". That doesn't work for me. That's no good. Green cardstock, a swirly something, a star, some tape, and one brad:


Then, fun times with Lu over at the studioWERX Streat Team blog. Boo-ya baby! I needed a kick in the ass last night to make something. Pulled out my journal, got messy w/ gesso and used some fave POD stampage. Again, just simple. Getting free and messy, but in a structured way...thinking about placement and colours. This journal is an old photo album with all the photos taken out but some of the corners left in place:


And, more on the 20x20. Threw another layer on last night. I really love to paint. Wouldn't it be cool to have a whole wall of your house all textured like this? That's a dream. Maybe not red...that might make me crazier than I already am.


Gratitude:
Simple pleasures...the iced latte on my desk right now. Yum.

Sunday, June 17

Gratitude:
Today I'm feeling extremely grateful I have a husband who is a wonderful father.

What's the sitch?

Thank goodness for red lights and a quick shoving of the heads together for a snapshot of us on our 4 year anniversary. I simply cannot train the boy to look at the lens rather than the screen thingy. Here, the one and only existing photo us from last night.


We saw a play called Unity 1918 at the Waterfront Theatre on Granville Island. It was kind of funny, kind of interesting, and kind of good. Put on by the Senior Theatre Troupe of Arts Umbrella, the story was about "the panic of a Saskatchewan prairie town during the Spanish flu epidemic of 1918. This dark comedy explores the drastic meausres taked to keep the illness out." As mum said this morning "it's really more about the experience of going". Totally true. We will be getting out to see more local shows. We talked about that at dinner...what we would like to work on in the upcoming year. Changes, continutations and wants.

We had dinner at The Sandbar. The outdoor patio is situated under the Granville Street Bridge...a totally cool combo of city and serene. We got the last table for two right next to the glass, overlooking the water and the downtown side of False Creek. It was a gooorgeous night. You know things are looking up weather-wise when you can be wearing a strappy top at 10:30pm on a patio by the water.


Thank you for the well-wishes for us and for my mum. They kept her in again last night. J and I visited yesterday after work. She is doing well; her heart seems much calmer and under control. What a relief. She's a bit irritated at staying in the hospital ("I really need to get home") but she understands that it's for the best. Let me tell you though, if they don't discharge her this morning, they better look out! Seems to be just a need for adjusting her meds and due to a change they had to monitor her a bit.

So we got home at midnight and picked up J from Colleen's house (snatched him right out of his slumber, poor lil spongebob-clad dude). Stayed up til 2ish completing this week's dare (not that it took me 2 hours...). I think the fog may be lifting. Do you know I realized that all I've really been doing is playing with paint and glue and working on one 'ologie project for like the last 2 weeks?? I haven't actually done any scrapbooking with photos in a long time. So, I think I need to. I love photos and I'm re-realizing that. Here's this week's Dare brought to you by ever fine and fabulous scooter-lovin, New York-trippin Jamie:

Not entirely thrilled, but it's fine and colourful and I think helped open my brain back up again. Open brains are good.

*update! Mum just called me and it looks like she can be discharged! One more blood test and hopefully she'll be sent on her merry way.

I hope the sunshine lasts (although there is a chance of showers I hear) and I hope everyone has an awesome weekend (awesome LONG weekend to my 'merican buddies).

xoxog

night-time

It's time to think and reflect. Time to be tired. Time to interact, or not. Time to relax. Time to feel stuck, and to practice that good ol' cognitive behaviour therapy. Critical thinking.

Feeling a little bit less-than-stellar these days. Not unhappy...just kind of...edgy. Not like PMS edgy, but restless. Fidgety. UNinspired. But I'm working through it. Fighting through it. Trying new and different things. Taking breaks. But also forcing myself. I have a couple things I gotta get done and then several things I want to get on to. So c'mon. Work with me here, brain/body/spirit. Ya know??

Mum's back in the hospital tonight. She is just not feeling comfortable...her heart rate is not normalizing, not feeling comfortable. More than likely, her medication has to be adjusted. But I didn't go to emerg with her tonight. And now I feel sad that she's in the hospital overnight (because they're messing with her meds they have to keep her for observation) and she's alone. I wish that I could have seen her and talked to her...just been there to have kept her company. I wonder if that's for my sake or for hers. Anyway. I'll call first thing tomorrow...hopefully Rhi will go see her during the day and then I'll go after work.

Tomorrow is me & Dren's 4 year anniversary. We have plans, and I'm sure they'll still happen despite mum's jag in the road to heart recovery...Think good thoughts everyone!

Love you mama.

xog

Oh - and yes, I will answer the other questions asked...just not tonight.

orange bikes

This is definitely one of my favourite photos from the last several months. I get so discouraged from taking pictures in the winter. It's dark when I leave the house in the morning, it's dark when I get home, and on the weekends it's either raining or threatening to rain or too dark to take pictures. OK, I might be exagerating slightly. But I just get blah about it. The other day I was waiting for a friend outside a shop and this image immediately caught my eye. I mean, how often is it that you're going to see an orange bicycle and an orange motorcycle parked like this? Not often, that's for sure. The people sitting at the pub patio I think thought I was a little bit nuts, taking different angles and...so many shots. It was fun. Do you know I once pretended I was crazy because I had to wait for the bus at night in a shady area of town? I really didn't want the other crazy people and dealers and junkies approaching me. It totally worked. I'm sure that's the moment I realized being crazy is not necessarily a bad thing.

I got asked a total of two questions on yesterday's post. Fabulous. I think K asked if I wanted to eat Jaxon because he's so cute. The answer to that is most definitely YES. I want to pinch his lil cheeks and squeal at him and slurp him right up and maybe even nibble a lil bit too. But I don't, because now that he's 5 and cool and all, that would be totally an uncool mama type of thing to do. And the other questions came from someone anonymous. Right then...

how long did it take for you to come into your scrapbooking style? If you could have a day off from being a mom, what would you choose to do? Favorite comfort food?

Hmmm...style to me is for sure an ever-evolving thing. Sometimes I look at my stuff and think "this is so not me". As far as how long it took me to get to a point where I thought honestly that I don't want to do what I'm "supposed" to do or told to do from books and articles, it took me a few months. I wanted to experiment and mix up art and scrapbooking. There was a day at the very beginning of learning to scrapbook where I wouldn't make a page unless it involved the computer in some way. I couldn't even think about the possibility of hand-writing on a page. I love typography, I'm in graphics for a living...why would I possibly mess things up!? But then it got to a point where I would be all messy from paint and having fun and I couldn't be bothered to get up and go to the computer. Lately, I've started to go back to the computer once in a while for titles and journalling, and it's been fun. So I really think that my style will never be able to be defined as one thing...at least, I won't be able to define it :)

If I had a day off from being Jaxon's mama. I really hope I get a day of from being a wife too. And a daughter, sister, and friend. So if I had one day entirely to myself, I would spend the day prior to it cleaning my house. I would clean and clean and clean so that the next day my house would be all sparkling and organized. I would kick the boys out of the house. Early. I have not one clue what they're going to do all day (we're all such homebodies) but that's really not my problem, because it's my day off. I would use gesso and paint. I might play around on the computer a little bit and probably then I would get all inspired. I would look at photos and write down thoughts as I had them. I would draw and probably glue some stuff down. I'd probably think of someone and make a card for them. I might make a phone call and then I'd make some tea. Or maybe have a beer. I've discovered this super yummy beer from Quebec called St. Ambroise Pale Ale. They also have apricot ale. Mmmm. I might have a snack. I might flip on the TV and see if an rerun of American Justice or Cold Case Files or Project Runway was on. I might remember a movie I'd been wanting to watch and pop it in and then make my way back to my table. I'd listen to jazz and probably DMB. Loud. I'd definitely use stamps and rubons. I'd start to miss my family and wish we had a cat or a dog. And hopefully it would be almost time for the boys to come home. I'd make another phone call and try to finish up a page or a project but the boys would come home and interrupt me. And a sense of annoyance that I wasn't alone anymore would wash over me. But really that's just a habit because I'm really very happy that they're home to keep me company. And that. Would be my ideal day to myself.

Comfort Food? Funny. I just had to answer this question for something else today. Putting a bio together for the Lazar Street Team ...this is gonna be a fun team...nothing like anything else I've done up to this point. So I'll wait til that comes out to share about food. And some other faves.

I'm glad I only had 4 questions to answer from two people. If I had had more, I might be here all damn night!

Now I wanna paint.

G'night.
xog

PS. Banner creds: Lazar Digiwerx Ledger Paper, and Eduardo Recife (I previously said Jason Gaylor - oops) brushes. Finally, the girl has a banner.

PPS. I put the link to pre-order the Dare Book over there to your right! Check out the hot price on that puppy! clearly, amazon is the place to shop. that's good to know.

out on sick leave

Not my sick leave, but my kids!

Just a little FYI...schedule is hectic this week. Juggling taking care of Jaxon, working, life, etc. So thankful my mama is around to help out. Anyway, that's where I am, that's where I've been, and that's why I'm absent!

Please send healthy healing thoughts for the Jax...I honestly don't think he's ever been this sick before.

Will update when things settle down.

xog

i'm sorry daddy...

That I threw up on the blanket. -Jaxon, 5:30am

Rough night's sleep=rough day=Gen not a happy girl.

Jaxon still has a fever. Poor kid.

It will be an interesting day tomorrow...Dren called in today, I'll go in early tomorrow and come home before Dren leaves, then hopefully my mum will take over so I can go back to work...ugh.

and thanks to sick kid I can't go the Canucks game tomorrow night w/ Christina :(

Would you like some cheese with your whine!!!???

too much on the "to do" and freestyle fun

• My email is a little bit out of control. Eek. Hopefully today I will get a pile done. Or at least several. If you're waiting, thank you for your patience and I haven't forgotten you :)
  
• Cleaning. Did some yesterday, not all.
• Scrapping. It's really all I want to do lately, but there is some I need to do. That's good right?
• Toy purge. Yes, they are beginning to overtake our world again.
• See the eye doctor.
• Go to the dentist.
• Enjoy at least a tiny bit of fresh air and sunshine today. Yes...it's sunny :)
• Reading. I have about 4 or 5 books calling my name right now. They're eagerly awaiting my next scrapping slump!

As enthralling as my to-do list is I'm sure, I think I'll stop there. And post some layouts that were to be in the second Freestyle book. RIP, Freestyle.


This first one was a challenge to use 70 of something on a page. I used 70 of my beloved Heidi Swapp photo corners. I love this page. It was rejected, so I did the next one below, using 70 epoxy stickers. Used one of my all-time fave kid books "Love You Forever" by Robert Munsch. And just in case anyone is doing the math, that's 140 of stuff. That's a lotta stuff!


This was to use canvas. The page is on canvas (photos printed on canvas photo "paper"), the letters and stamped elements are cut out of canvas, and that's about that!

I think if I remember this was to use a "found" item...the little heart doily was mine. It and the key were sent to me by a friend a looong time ago, Heather. I miss Heather. Thank you Heather! I used the same photos in my 4459 mini book from the Scrapologie February kit guest designer thing, but they were a mistake print because I had "greyscale" checked. This page was made a long time ago with the "good" photos in colour.

This has been a lovely bloggin interlude in my current work day. Thank you, blogger.

PS. Did I say it's sunny??? I hope everyone has a great day!!

such a beautiful weekend

**warning: long post ahead...consider this a 3-day journal entry :)

Don't get me wrong...the weather was terrible. Cold, wet, and so very dark and grey. Spoke to K on the phone for a long time and laughed our asses off. That was fun. Later Friday my sister Aley came over and it has been a long time since we've properly caught up. We had an evening full of unfinished and come-back-to conversations. She visited China for 2 1/2 weeks over Christmas with her boyfriend and his family. She's got TONS of gorgeous photos and so we're going through them in preparation for me helping her with a China album. I love that I can share this scrap thing with her in a way that interests her (she's not all that crafty...she's the athlete in the family). We were drinking probably a tad too much v. nice red wine and when the evening was finally coming to an end we realized it was 3:45 am!!! I have not stayed up that late for a LONG time. I mean, sometimes if I'm really rolling on a scrapbook page or project I might make it til 1 or 1:30 at that absolute latest. Shocked. It was my turn to sleep in and Dren and Jaxon had plans for Science World on Saturday, so I planned before going to bed that I was just going to sleep until I woke up. So I did. I woke up at 1:30 pm. Nice. I felt like I was 21 again :)

OK so I wake up at 1:30 (kind of groggy but otherwise feeling pretty good), and the boys come home about 1:45 and go to take a nap. Dren asked if I wanted to come, and as tempted as I was I politely declined. I chatted with a neighbour, I helped Carmichael with his homework for a little while, I talked to friends on the phone, I dabbled at trying to clean up and organize, checked the message boards at 'ologie, actually managed to get the dishes done, left two crazy messages for gabby (and I received one return from her today) and enjoyed my quiet space.

Saturday evening Dren made shepherd's (sp?) pie (he make it a very special way, and let's just say that there is lots of butter in the potatoes), and fed us, my mama, and Colleen and Carmichael. After dinner Dren left and me, mum, and Colleen played boggle for a bit. Mum left and we played a game called Tiominos. SO fun. We never finished a game all night...it's one of those ones that just goes on and on in "rounds" until someone reaches 400 points. We just had sooo much fun. Colleen decided her phony-pony was irritating her, so she took it off and put it on me. I didn't get any photos, unfortunately, but just imagine a white as white can be girl with a very cute (and very NOT white) afro-puff pony. Hilarious! I went home with it on and got a wicked laugh out of it with Dren.

Slept in a bit this morning (til 8:30 or so) and had a co-op meeting at 10 that I had totally forgotten about. That screwed up my previous plan to visit Christina before going to Renee's house, supposedly to organize. Yeah No. Anything Renee can do to avoid actually dealing with the ever-growing store of supplies that she was forced to move into her spare bedroom because it outgrew the living/dining area (I'm not kidding), Renee will do. Including planning a spur-of-the-moment trip down to Treasury (my FAVE strictly-scrapbooking store.). But we had a lot of fun...and I did it on a TOTAL budget. I'm so proud of myself. I mean, I didn't not spend, but I didn't use my credit card which I usually would, telling myself I would pay it off right away (which I never do). Made for some interesting shuffling and some real restraint on my part, and some last minute "ok, I can do without that t-shirt and those scissors" at our last stop, and a new fave, Target. I mean, I've always loved target, but I usually spend to much money first at Stampadoodle, Paper Zone, and Treasury that I would feel awful spending more on myself at Target, so it's usually where I buy little treats for the boys since it's the last stop. Well today I bought 2 t-shirts for myself (not boy t-shirt nisa!!) and had a blast looking through all the stuff. Target is seriously fun. I think I could get lost in there for a good couple hours.

We went for dinner, watched a bit of the Oscar's and got home to the Barbary Walters Oscar special. Hi. Could the weekend be any more perfect? The only thing that would have made it more fun would have been to spend a teeny bit more time w/ the boys. I guess a girl needs that fun weekend break once in a while. And man oh man...this was indeed a FUN weekend. My only regret (and I shouldn't call it a regret for all the fun I had), is that I didn't get to actually scrapbook. I just thought about it all weekend. :)

And I still need to clean.

Oh and I have seriously loved reading all the posts of you "lurkers". I know I said this already, but it's really cool to read about different people, about their reason for reading, about where they're from, etc. It's honestly been a pleasure. Thank you for coming, reading, viewing layouts only, leaving a comment, not leaving a comment...thank you!

xoxog

are there lurkers here? seriously?

hello? are you out there?
i always figure there's like 6-10 people checking this thing on the reg.
then....receiving tips that there are people who read my blog and don't post comments?
quote-unquote-"lurkers"..
why don't you comment?
do you disagree with what i say?
do you hate what you see?
do you roll your eyes?
do you not have enough time?
it's ok. i don't mind. not at all.
but i must admit i am a bit curious.
i don't really care to keep up with tracking how many visitors, etc. come to this blog.
but it doesn't mean i don't care to know.
because i really. am. interested.
seriously.
i have loved getting to know people in this crazy scrapland. loved it.
and now, i must get some sleep.
so, if you're a lurker, post a comment. if you're not, post a comment.
i just wanna know. so sue me ;)
xog

human nature

Today I was driving home and while I waited to make a left onto Broadway from Clarke, I noticed a woman begging with a cardboard sign, standing on the median of the busy street. Homeless people are, unfortunately, all over the place in Vancouver. The climate is mild and so people tend to migrate West. The thing about this woman was that she was relatively healthy-looking and fairly well-dress. She had a sweater and hat and gloves on (it's mild, but not spring yet). Her sign read "I'm begging because I have no where to go. I'm all alone. Anything will help." I know lots of people get irritated constantly being asked for money on the street. Dren isn't the most compassionate when it comes to the homeless....he feels like there are resources for people if they really want help. I feel like I'm not necessarily informed enough to judge either way.

As I watched, the woman turned her attention to a truck in the lane just to the right of mine. She stepped off the median into the street. I thought that maybe someone was giving her some change. The light turned green, and I saw her make an animated gesture with her gloved hand. When she turned to walk back to the median she was crying. My heart sunk. I just felt so bad for her. Her face was red from the cold. I honked and pointed to the other side of the street. I stopped at the bus stop and put my hazard lights on. She walked up beside the car and I handed her the lone $5 bill from my wallet. I don't even normally have cash on me, but I remembered that I had change from something yesterday. I told her it was all I had. She said "thank you" and I told her to take care of herself. She said she was trying. I drove away. I felt pressure to get going. It was rush hour and I was on my way to pick Jaxon up. It felt wonderful to be able to do that, but then a feeling of sadness washed over me. I wanted to know what her deal was. I wished that I had offered for her to be able to talk to me if she wanted. I wished that I had had more money or that I could afford to give her more somehow.

As many homeless people as there are in this city, we usually only get to see the negative sides of them...or the parts that we don't understand (much of the city's homeless population suffers from mental illness and/or drug addiction). A glimpse into this woman's life for a brief fleeting moment reminded me that homeless people are still people. This woman, whoever she is, has feelings and a soul.

I don't know why I feel like I should be able to do more...a weird guilt thing that I'm not doing enough, I can't say no, etc. That's my own issue and every time something happens to make me feel those feelings I have the opportunity to learn and grow and change. But on this particular day I also need to remember what I did, that it was just enough for that exact moment, and that it gave me the opportunity to think about people and human nature. To remember that there is enough negativity in the world without assuming there is more.